QuantizedQuotients of Life...

Flights OF Fantasy!!

2008-07-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

SCENE 3

BLACK-BURIED!!!

As i sat back in the flight reviewing one of my research papers on "Blood flow through Cerebral Arteries", I could almost feel an abundance of Blood in my cerebral system. I had'nt slept for almost 48 hrs, it was beginning to take its toll on me. I thought I should probably catch a nap. I have been one of the elite few, who has had the pleasure of napping at a runway in an Airbus A 320 for over two hrs.The flight that taxied away from the gate, had to halt again at the runway for a repeated thunder shower warning at Chicago.
I have driven to Chicago twice before and never have I expressed as my awe, as I did towards the Wind City. But my perspective towards the city was entirely different on that particular occasion from the runway.
I figured , I had to reschedule on my connecting flight. I looked into my itinerary that read "contact us at 1800-UNITED-1". That number would actually turn out to be drastically different when dialed from a Black Berry Pearl. (Take a look at the Key pad). Well it turns out that the Wind City was not the only entity on my HATE list.Luckily my boarding pass carried an advertisement of a mobile network. I managed to decipher the number from a picture of a phone on the advertisement. That was the best the Airliner had to offer me that night. I called the reservation help line, I was pretty sure I was pretty sure I had called my Mother Land. My request for a reschedule was processed, I was put onto the next available flight from the Wind City, at 6.00 AM to San Jose, with a connection at LA. While I did all of this, I still was at the runway. I was still in Cleveland!

Flights Of Fantasy!!

2008-07-13T19:07:00.001-07:00

SCENE 2

Cleve-Landed!!!!

With every step, I was getting closer to food. Considering I lived on a cup of Ethiopian coffee, since evening, it was time for me to grab a bite.I spent over 50 hrs getting to Cleveland from India the previous year, I really thought it was the airport that was jinxed. I walked, some distance in the airport following my co-passengers, into what was the never ending corridor at the airport. Jinxed it was, when i realized the only place that was opened there, was a place where they sold bagels. On any other occasion I would have slid my tongue out and given the expression that I'd rather die than eat that. Unfortunately, I was not ready to die that night.

To my delight every other passenger who was aboard my flight was at the bagel place.... I really thought I had dashed my way on to the store. I guess there was some sort of a mass grumbling in the flight, that the captain must have heard!!!! Or may be it was him that he heard. He led the queue at the beagle place.

We had about half an hour before our flight would take off (again!). The beagle place was, short staffed. There was one young lad, who was probably at his first day at work. You would'n expect 40 people crowding at a bagel store at 10.30 PM !! I was last in line (again!, like every thing that happens to me in life). We had a few Americans ahead of us, who ordered their dish, They went about the job like they were at a 5 star place with time frozen and the people after them in the queue were all non entities. They finally got their order PREPARED, and slowly moved on. They sure made a complete English dinner for themselves. We then at the end of the queue realized, that we were short of time, and that is when we decided to buy veggie beagles for the rest of us. One gentleman came forward, paid up the money and purchased the entire tray for the rest of us.

10:30 PM , and I am still in Cleve-Land. Been 5 hrs since i got to the airport.

Flights Of Fantasy!

2008-07-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

Scene1

Its been a while since I wrote somethin. I have to admit , I was not hard pressed for time owing to career or extracurricular interests, that would catapult my life's success any further!!!!! (Is'n that the whole irony)! Its just that, I had nothin to write about.
That pretty much explains the futile , lifeless, monotonous, aimless life that I was leading since.... well!! 31 Dec 1982...
Among the very few eventful things that happened to me lately were my long enduring flight journeys. Until I was 20, I'd never been on a flight... Since then, I have been a beneficiary of quite a few of those. Mind you, this is not to the scale where you could call me a globe trotter.... m way far from that. Since then , I have had an history of missing flights. Not cause, I slipped on my commitment to keep up time. I always have so little to do, that I get to my appointments way ahead of time, and ponder. Ponder about life and its abnormalities, about life in Iraq, about me having a blond girlfriend, about my Pontiac Grand Prix, and the numerous things on my "STILL TO ACHIEVE" list.
It was at 4.00 PM at Cleveland International airport when it was announced that there was a major thunderstorm in Chicago, and all flights bound to Chicago were grounded. My flight to Chicago was bound to depart at 6.00 PM eastern time. I am one of those people who dosen't carry a book while travelling, not even a news paper. I don't have any pending calls to make, while I am free nor carry any interest in visiting any of the duty free shops in the airport, I pod yes, I usually prefer leaving it at home (So much for mobile entertainment and me). I can just sit idle, like a mannequin. The only noticeable activity that I would be carring out during those times is to breadth. I was sitting back, in the gate and pondering. My flight to San Jose California, was from Chicago 10.00 PM Chicago time.
There was no way on earth I could miss that flight considering, I was just 90 minutes away from there. At, 7.00 PM there was a boarding call, and all of us got into the flight for a 7.30 departure. I hooked up my seat belt, and watch the air hostess do her routine. At 7.30 we were taxing along for a take off, while at the runway there came an announcement from the captain , indicating that he will be turning off one engine and has instructions not to take off , cause there was a sever backlog at the Chicago airport and International flights were slotted to land first. Considering I was flying form the most inconsequential town in the map of USA, there was no way we could be permitted to land without the passengers enduring agony.
We were at the runway for almost an hour. The strange thing about that, is that there were no other flights takin off on that runway for an hour. So much for the closest major downtown near Akron!!!!I was not too sure what i was doin in the flight. I was actually wondering about me being able to make it to my connecting flight, that was when my stomach started to grumble. The problem with the local flights in the US is that they have a never ending supply of peanuts and nothin else. Peanuts are available like they are produced in mid air and the hostess just pluck them out to feed us. Lucky, this is when the captain decided to taxi back to the gate, to drop off a couple of passengers with international connections from Chicago. My stomach was grumbling so loudly that out of sheer embarrassment I asked the air hostess if we could get off to grab a bite at the airport. She was unsure and at the exact moment the captain made an announcement for the passengers to alight the flight and find dinner at the airport. I still wonder, if he actually heard my stomach grumble..!

Rendezvous’ --- AT the Regional Transport Office...

2008-07-11T20:06:00.000-07:00

Well... Never thought i'd blog again.... I totally attribute that to the lethargy that has, sort of crept in, owing to a certain new social life..... that I am gaining on..

But this, i thought is worth a script.. Plan to make a play out of this someday.... May be when I am 60, and my kids have abandoned me....... cause I am sure that this act would hold good 60 yrs from now... OOPS!!! 40 yrs from now..(& 60-40 , is not my age).....

On this fine Monday morning, I decided to get my license done.... That thought only flashed me after a horrendous crash, a week in the ICU, and three months of bed!!!!! SO it was time I moved my butt, n got that licence after all....

STEP 1) I need an LL??????

Luckily I did manage to pass a LL test 6 years back. When, I was legally eligible for it...(OOPS!! did I give away my age!!!) .. I knew that could save me from a second round of direction test... I managed to dig that licence, out of a certain pant, that was awaiting disposal for like 4 yrs now.... n trust me, the waist size was a joke, have well surpassed it now, n have shattered the numbers usually associated with the girth!!! Now, that was irrelevant piece of information.. Whats important was that i managed to find it , n was half a days work..... I was really proud of my dad.. to preserve old stuff (read nostalgia, or latent implementation). He'd probably use that as a cloth to wipe the table. The Black pant was awaiting its turn.. N now it had served its purpose. It actually rescued me from the agony of a written test at the Y'pur RTO.

STEP 2) Gosh!!!!!! It has expired!!!!

Now a six year old LL.. how could I put that to use...!!!!!!

Well... Thirty ,30 Bucks and a signature later.... Its alive again.. Rite..

Well.. we are probably the only nation , who don believe on revision of policies... That's again irrelevant ... for now..!!! I have a whole write up abt that in the pipeline, where i met this Ex- IAS Officer, who was instrumental, in scripting the Indian IT Policy, and the VTU, syllabus for the IT related Fields. Has been six years since he was involved in that, n the poor policies are still the same.... No revisions, no amendments.. nothin!!!!!!!! History and its relevance today, rite... no technological advancement could cause any rework on those policies and syllabus... Start OF the Art.. to STALE OF THE ART!!!!!!!!!! .. the man is fuming.......

That's besides the point.. NOW, back to the Licence..

So how difficult could paying up, Rs 30 and getting an attestation be!!!!!!! Welll.... Trust me.. the crash was indeed a pleasurable experience compared to this!!!

ACT 1:

THE SCENE: AT the Y'pur RTO , 10 AM......

I walk up to the third floor, or a three story building.. It seems like a busy day there. On a second glance i realised, that 50 % of them are vendors who expedite the licence process, for a certain fee..... trying to entice prospective customers....

The third floor, has a section to the right , and one to the left, with tonnes of employees!!! and a help desk right ahead.. The desk was a white wodden table with its Ply ripped off, n obviously no customer care executive there!!!! what were u expecting??????

I moved to the section to my right.. cause there was no crowd there...

To the security guy there..

Me:--- LL renewal ge yelli hogali...
Guard:--- Two Wheelera, Four wheelera...
Me:--- Two Wheeleru
Guard:---- Opposite side hogi..
Me:--- Ok thanku.

At the Left end now, i passed the Help desk... No hELP there!!!!!

To a person sitting at the cash counter..

Me:-- Sir, LL renewal...

Cash Counter Person: Why you came for that here.. Second Floor, for LL.. ( Now the english was uncalled for, but i looked like a dued on that day, with a pair of denium and Reebok T.... that should have provoked the language assault..)

Now, I Had to go to the Second Floor... Passed the Help desk again... !!!! Don't ask!!! I did not find help...

Second Floor--- There was quite a crowd there... to the Man at the entrance.....

ME:--- LL renewal.
Man At the Entrance:--- SHow.

I flash my LL...

MAn At the Entrance:--- Third Floorge, hogi.. Counter alli 30 Rs pay madi.. cheeti thogondu kelage banni. (bunny me!!!!!!)

Third Floor-Well.. M at the third floor again. N , yes. I did pass the help desk.

Went to the payment counter, he pointed to the last person on that counter, when i flashed my LL.

I went to the last person, in the counter. The man must have been in his late 50's , awaiting a retirement. he had obviously just walked in. I was the first on that line.. So had a close look at his way of starting work. He cleaned the table, with a piece of Newspaper. the Keyboard, was quite a piece. The monitor, was an epitome of Cathode Ray technology... in its inception...

So the man, wiped all his belongings, including the keyboard.. and sat down to start work for the day. Opened the cash box.. N looked at me.. Rudeness, was all over him. I flashed the Licence and said "renewal". 30 Rs, he said. Luckily I had the exact change. We waited for the computer to BOOOOOOOOOT... Once it was done, he started to type in my details and finally clicked on print. The poor dot matrix printer, had not been reloaded with ink in like eons.. It managed to print the first receipt, and not the second.

Now what would the man do, CRISIS!! and he had no clue, that there was no ink. He told his collegue that, the printer was DAMMAR!!! ANd his friend suggested to use the other printer.... Now, that was too complicated to execute... A change of printer, How do i DO that!!!! SO he decided to write the receipt!!!!

He delligently wrote it, and signed his name, on it...

this was a 15 minute process , at 10:15 AM... GOSH!!!

ACT 2:

Second Floor--Now I am back in the second floor...

The setting, consists of about four tables, two on each side.. One side was empty, and the other had a person, sitting there writing something in a log book. There were a couple of helper ladies there.. HMMM!! i have to dig into their job profile sometime...

Well, the only man seated..

Me:--- LL renewal madsa beku..
Seated Man:--- Fee pay madi...
Me: -- Finish sir..
Seated Man:--- OK.. wait madi, sir will come.
Me:-- OK sir..

I walked out and sat on a bench. After dusting it off.....LOL!!!

I was there for abt 15 min.. And there were quite a few people there and they had this pink slip in hand.

I walked up to this good looking gal:::::::Hehe.. Hehe, and asked, she told me it was the renewal slip. She had her friend with , who was filling the form too...

So i went in again..

Me:-- Sir, Pink slip
Seated Man:--- Wait madi, Sir will come.
Me:--- Sir, kottare , nannu iyegale fill madabahoudu

I actually had forced the man, to do something that was not on his job profile. He went out of his way to bring me the slip!!!!!!!!!

I now filled the slip, gaping at the two women..

was about 11:20 now, and all of a sudden , everyone started to rush in... Alas , it was the Sir. He had set foot into the office...
I was in line after the two ladies.....

Sir to the lady (read chic) before me,

Sir:--- Yenamma, ishtu latu..
Lady (Chic)-- Sir, class itthu ..
Sir:-- Neevu helabaku, RTO tava kelasa ithe antha..
Lady (Chic)--- Sir , they wont let us go sir..
Sir:-- Akshatha, Hmmmmm. Nannu nimma principal ge helthini.. Akshatha ge licence mada bekku antha.. he will LIVE(Pls reade it as : leave)

That man was drooling, looks like he had'n seen a lady in ages...

Then My turn:

Sir:--- Yenappa, hand written. How will I know original or fake.
Me:-- Sir original, malle printer, alli ink illa. Thats why...
Sir:--- Ok , mathe male hogi CTO signature madkondu banni (bunny me!!!!!)

Only if I had BOOBS he'd probably signed on my LL renewal form.. Sadness!!!!!!!!!!

NOw I am Back on the Third floor, and yes I pass the HELPLESS Desk!!!!!

I go to the person who did the receipt and, he screams at me and says, sign alli idhe nodu..
NOw thats some temper...

Back in the second floor!!!!!!!! I walk to Sir, tell, him that the accountant said he has already signed.. and he says..

Accountant Illa .. CTO....

I walk back up, and its 11:40 by now.. and this is probably my fifth trip upwards...N yes the Help Desk does feature!!!! N we better not discuss that...

To cut the long story shot... I run around to find this CTO, character, and no one on the floor know who, or what CTO is???!!!!!
Alas, i walk back to sir down, n m pissed now,

Me:--- Sir, no body knows the CTO sir, they don't even know what that means.
Sir:-- Chief Treasure Officer Appa... male, right alli
Me:-- Sir, i have walked up and down like 10 times, neeve banni (Bunny HIm!!!!!!!)LOL
Sir, calls one person there, and says "CTO hatra karkondu hogu" That man cribs, and asks me to follow him. But between the second and third floor, there are like 40 steps, and a lot of people, he catches hold of this young lad, and says " Le, CTO ge karkondu hogu, sir anna",
and he says"ok anna".
Now I have had a change of hands.. . and i walk up the remaining 20 steps, with this lad... he pauses abruptly near the HEEEEELPPPPP DDDEEESSSKKK!!! to talk to his friend... At this point of time , i Am almo0st ready to burn the place down.... he turns to me and asks..

Lad:--- Yara Hattira, sir
Me:--- CTO
Lad---: Sir, avara hesaru
And i walk from there without a second glance.. enter the chamber to the left, bardge into the superintendents room, and ask him who the CTO is,

He says, Finance alli, last table!!!!

FINAL ACT::

I walk to the last table, there is a huge Queue there, and a man says to me, "belage inda kaithideve, inna bandhila"

Thats it.. i put the receipt in my bag, and walk out of that RTO at around 12:45, after a 15 minute wait.....

Then the Licence::: Who the F%^& wants it!!!!!!!!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As on date, my Licence is considered valid, cause, the Sir in the second floor, sealed on my Licence, but did not sign, and no body seems to realise that. I managed to get my four wheeler LL done, using that LL, avoiding a test. And even the signatory, did not realise that my OLD LL, is not totally renewed, and lacks the signature...

HUH!!!!! so much for a system........

N my time.......

N yeah, the HELP DESK was empty , on my way out!!!!!!!!